goodbyes suck....

Goodbyes suck... 

Saying goodbye is never easy or fun but it does mean you have made real connections. On Thursday there was a large group of us who left the ship. There where 6 teachers plus a husband and our principle as well as other crew members who left. Myself , one other teacher and our principle are coming back everyone else is moving on to the next thing. I new these days where doing to be hard but I don’t think I realized how hard. On Wednesday we were crying in the dinning room at lunch thinking about what the next day held. On Thursday we all were mostly packed so we spent a lot of time hanging out in the Café with each other, more tears. I am sure that new crew members think we are probably crazy. We had lunch together and then went down to the dock to say goodbyes. It was sad to say goodbyes to the families and crew members that will not still be there when I get back. It was emotional and it only kept going. We got to the ferry dock and said goodbye to our drivers, 3 of the 4 guys will be there when I get back but not another fellow teacher who leaves next week. The tears just kept coming, on the ferry we had to say goodbye to Stelle and Nikki who were on earlier flights. We got the airport and checked in and waited for the plane and took the time to play a game of phase 10. On the plane we all sat together for the most part. It was great we had a stop over in The Gambia for about an how and Sam and Amy took on the role of entertainment and we spent the whole time playing would you rather. We enjoyed it I doubt that anyone else thought it was fun. In Brussles we had to say good bye to Christiana and Danae right away and then Steph aka funsize. Kris, Sam, Amy and myself got breakfast and played a second game of phase 10 which I won! But once again it was time to say good bye to them. You think that when you have been telling people good bye all day it gets easier but it does not. Kris and I made it to Chicago and went our separate ways, this time not sad because we will see each other again to soon really.

I am sitting here by myself and thinking about all the amazing people who have become friends this past year and am so, so great full to have had them in my life even though it feels far to short of a time. I am kind of in a haze at the moment being back where I can get what I want at the airport and have a clean bathroom with soap. (But sadly no ladies urinal unlike Brussles, Kris will have to post photos of that.) I stoped and got a coffee at starbucks and holy crap I could have gotten 5 lattes on the ship for the price of the one! With out dwelling on the differences between here and West Africa to much because that will come the longer I stay here but I do feel out of place a little. I keep hearing people talk and almost yell out to them thinking they are people from the ship so far, I have heard Libby, Maggie, Alex and Sam or maybe it is from traveling for already over 24 hours with my last flight of 6 hours still ahead of me. I cant help thinking how amazing it is the relationships you can build when you are so completely out of your element and have no one to lean on except for the family you create. I am excited to be almost home but am sort of sad to miss out on the next few weeks on the ship but knowing that I still have 10 more months to be there helps, and makes me question my sanity but that is ok.

I am at home now, that was a long time. My Parents picked me up at the airport we went home and dropped stuff off then drove to the beach house. My brother Robby and his wife Misty were at the house waiting for us. It was great to see them and walk around the house that is all done. We went to dinner at the pub and it was great to talk about what has been going on. It is rainy at the moment which might make sandcastle day a bit of a challenge but its ok. I took a shower longer then 2 min and did not turn the water off so it will be fine. Missing everyone on the ship and cant wait and see everyone at home.

June, 18th 2011 

what can top this...

What can top this... 

I am sitting in the café area of the ship sitting with my friend Stelle, both working on our computers with music going. It is a quiet and it is a nice change from the loud quiz night we just had. I leave on Thursday, I will be back in 6 weeks but I am still sad to leave this place. I don’t know how or why it happens but you fall in love with this place and the people here. This past week has been kind of quiet and it has been nice.

School ended last Thursday, Wednesday was the last day of classes. On Wednesday we all went out as an academy to dinner. It was really a great time. Talkin about everything that has happened this year, being peppered with ideas of who I should date by more then one person and lots of laughing. Thursday we had presentations where we present our students with certificates. Thank God I only have 2 kids. It reinforced in me that I am not a public speaker, kids, great. Group of friends, great. Adults parents even, oh no, cant do it. I did but I shock and I am pretty sure my voice cracked like a 12 year old boy. My friends lied and said it was fine but that is what friends do, but I know the truth.

At lunch there was a mass exodus of families. It was all the families that will be back in the fall but it broke my heart to see them leave, to see my friends who have known these kids for 2-3 years leave and say goodbye. I don’t know what I will be like on Thursday when we leave and I have to say good bye to these people. After the families all left we had a pool party with the rest of the kids. It was nice to be relaxed and be done with school. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the café with free crepes and just hanging out. Friday I spent the day on the ship being lazy. I am coming back and was not to fussed to cram ever thing into my last weekend. Instead I slept in, packed a little laid by the pool and napped, it was great. It was capped off by playing games.

On Saturday and Sunday I hung out with two of my favorite people on the ship, although little people. I babysat for the weekend and really enjoyed it. There are of course stressful and trying moments but they are out weighted by the hugs and laughs that I got so it was worth it.

Monday and today have been spent in the academy making sure reports are done and just spending as much time with people as you can before they leave. Tuesday was more reports caped off with quiz night. It was a first on the AFM at least for me, imagine quiz night in your favorite pub or bar and you have it but with out alcohol sadly. We ended up with a team of 8-9 most of us teachers and tied for second place. But we cheated so it does not really count, but most of us are leaving on Thursday and will not be here for the next two weeks so who cares, it was fun.

I know when I am home I will try to describe this place, the people and the bonds but I don’t think I can. I cannot imagine if I had not extended for a second year, I would be going home for good and not feel ready. I have meet people who have changed me and challenged me. Who have saw me through my weak spots and have helped me out. People who I did not care for at the start have ended up some of my best friends here. I cant think about it with out tearing up, which I am, again, crap. I worry about next year and the new teachers and if I will feel this way next year when I say goodbye to them. It has been an amazing year and I have meet amazing people and I don’t know what I would have done with out them. Crying has become a daily activity here the only way so far we have found to stop is to listen to Totally F*#^!& from Spring Awakening, it helps me stop crying. I am so looking forward to being home but I will miss these people and this place during that time and take that as a great sign that I am right where I am meant to be. It does make me wonder what can top these experiences and these years of my life. I hope lots of things because I hope life only gets better but it will be hard. I have had a world of new experiences here, I have traveled to places I never thought about. I have become more aware of the world and those in it. I cant wait for what tops this cause that will be fantastic.

June, 14th 2011

two weeks and counting

Two weeks and counting 

Be prepared, I am very emotional at the moment, sorry. In two weeks I will be on my way home. With just a ride in a land rover, a ferry ride across the river, a taxi to the airport, a flight to Brussels, then Chicago and then Portland. No big. I will be flying out with some company, 4 fellow teachers, one of their husbands and a few other crew members. It will be very sad on the dock when we all leave, only myself and one of the teachers will be coming back. I know it will be emotional on the dock and in Brussels when we all go onto different flights. I fly all the way to Chicago with Kris the other teacher who is staying, so at least when she and I split it will not be a big deal because we will be back on the ship in less then 2 months.

I am excited to go home and have an ever growing list of stuff to bring back to the ship and things I have missed. Of course I can not wait to spend time with people I have been missing and to catch up on a lot of time gone by. It is easy here to forget the things we all sacrifice to be here. It is not an easy thing to do, to give up lots of comforts and freedoms to come serve and try and do your part. It is only when I am thinking about home that I think about all that I have missed and it makes me sad. Relationships have been tested and not all have passed some are still being tested and I pray that the choices I make/made will not negatively impact those in the long run. But I also think what have I gained. I have proven myself wrong so many times, I have shown myself that I can do what I did not think I could. I have met new people from all over who have changed me. I have been challenged and knocked down but I have gotten back up. I sometimes feel like I am putting my life on hold to be here, that if I was home I would feel more like an adult, maybe have a house or a condo, a job that pays, how novel. I would still have strong relationships with those at home that are becoming strained. But I also know that I have grown being here, in my faith which is constantly being challenged and put to the test here, I think for the most part that is good because I come out stronger because of it. I have grown as a teacher, most would think it is easy having one or two students, but I would rather 30, that is what I was trained for that is what I know, it is hard to make it work sometimes in such a small class.

To be in this community can suffocate you. You have to work to have time by yourself to breath and relax, there is a constant change in people who you see on a daily bases. When I first got here I thought I would never become one of those people who do not try and meet the new crew, but I don’t. I am exhausted at the end of the day, I don’t want to have a conversation with someone who will be here for a month and have small chit-chat. I want to sit with my friends and family here to pick up where we left off, to ask questions about what is going on because we care not because it is polite. When I start to ask myself if it is worth it I am usually met with a yes, I might just have to work to find it, maybe walking into town, seeing a patient smile or just talking to a good friend.

As a ship we are just about half way through the field service. People are becoming tired and worn out and jaded. It becomes normal to live here on a lovely ship next to Africa (next to because it does not feel like you are in Africa on the ship) and work and hear about surgeries that fix a cleft pallet or remove a tumor. As a school we are almost done, one week of classes left, we have three families leaving which is hard and will be very sad. The school was recommended for full accreditation which has been a work in progress for about 4 years now. It is huge, a weight is off and we can celebrate and we have and will continue to.

When ever I start to think about going home I end up asking myself how the hell I got here. On this ship, in Africa doing something I had never planned on and never really thought I wanted to. How am I so lucky to have the freedoms to make a choice to do this? To agree to a position and step on a plane to fly half way around the world. To love this new home and these new people who become your family. I am so ready to go home and have a break, but I am not sure how to face stuff at home and explain this past year of my life to people. Some call it a trip but its my life and it has become part of who I am, how do I explain that?

June, 4th 2011