less then a week...

Less then a week... 

My time at home has been good, it has gone far to fast but also not fast at the same time. I have found that its hard to be invested in one place and be somewhere else. I am so happy to have time away from the ship and all the craziness that it brings with a new school year but I also find myself missing people there and wondering what is happening there but being here. I have struggled meeting with friends and trying to fit back into relationships that where built and strong when we lived together for years and are now more surface. Its hard but I also know it comes with the choices I have made in my life, which I would never change. I made a hard choice after college to move to a new city, country, and content even it was one of the hardest things I have ever done it was more difficult then deciding to join Mercy Ships and then three weeks later getting on the plane to fly to Togo. But that choice set me on a different path. It allowed me to take chances and travel and be open to a different plan for my life then had I found a job in a school at home after school.

What I have come to realize and am starting to accept is that I have been shaped by the choices I have made and they have shaped my relationships. It causes worry and stress sometimes that these relationships are changing but then I realize that we have changed in the relationships also. That we are different people then we were in high school or college but that is ok cause we all change and grow. It has been good to be home and see these people and know that it will not be the end of the friendship but that it is just different. I do think its funny that with family it is as if no time has gone by. My moms sister and family came up to the beach for almost a week. It was great to hang out with them and catch up again with out the awkwardness that comes at times from time passing and people change. I love that about family. With both my dads side and my moms side it was great to see how much these people care about one another how you can be so different from one another but also so similar at the same time. How we can laugh at the same old stories we do every time we are all together.

I sometimes wonder if I should stay home and try harder to get a job here and do what is more expected of me, but where is the fun in that. My family and friends though encourage and support me to go back and do what I love even it does not make sense to them. One of my friends keeps saying how I am trying to find myself, at first it drove me crazy and im still not in love it that saying. I know who I am, what I stand for and what I believe in so what is there to “find?” But I am trying to think of it as a challenge, to find more of what I love, to find new opportunities to help and to find new people who I can develop strong relationships with.

I probably should be packing but instead im watching lame reality tv, I need to get it in before I get back to the ship. I have stocked up on what I think I will need and want for the next year. It will be strange to sit around the big table with a different group of people but I know that it will be fine. I hope you are all fine.

July, 25th 2011 

you can always go home... but it might be strange

You can always go home.... but it might be strange
I have been home for about three weeks now and its going fast. This is not my first time leaving home for a while and I know that it is strange to come home sometimes but I forgot how it feels. I have been spending a lot of time at the beach and am so happy to have been able to do that. I spent a few days at the beach with a friend just hanging out, it was so great to be able to do that just relax and talk with an old friend. For the fourth of July weekend my parents, brothers and their wives all came down. We also had an aunt and uncle, a cousin and a cousin and his family able to make it to the beach for the weekend. When I am with family it is as if I never left that I am still the same person I was before but with some crazy stories. We were very lucky and had some great weather for the time we where there, we spent time playing crocket, bocce ball, flying kites, skim boarding (so really falling ) a few crazies even went surfing. The rest of the time was spent eating, drinking and being merry!

When I was growing up my dad’s family had a beach house on the Oregon coast because of various reasons we had to sell it when I was younger but that house, place and those times have shaped us all so much. A lot of the weekend was spent asking the question “ remember when…?” followed by laughs. It was fantastic. Unfortunately the weekend had to end and we all went our separate ways with promises to do this more often and to be better about calling. Since being back in the Portland area I have been able to meet up with a good friend from college.

One of the things that is strange being home is trying to explain what it is I’m doing. To explain what it is like and what the ship is doing for surgeries. To tell people where we are going next and to explain where Sierra Leone is in Africa. Despite it being hard to explain at times what it is all about and why they hell I would ever want to stay for a second year I love that people want to understand. That they know this is important to me and want to know more about it. That they might have zero interest in it but that they still want to know why it is something I am committed to.

Here are some photos from the weekend.

Our Grandma Wanda would always cry when we took photos so this is our "Grandma Crying face."

My sisters-in-laws!

My family!

Traditional cousin photos, we used to take one in height order and age order, until the older cousins complained.

Teaching the new Linderman's to love the beach and to build sandcastles!

Always need to have a campfire and smores.

Tessa skim boarding.

Me skim boarding.