99 bottles of beer on the wall.... or something like that
I now have 99 days left here on my floating home, and although I am excited to be home and to start the next chapter of my life and all that other stuff I am meant to say in a time like this. But, I am also going to miss so much about this place and on the top of the list for sure are the people who have become my family.
A lot has happened since I have been back since Christmas time, the Academy has been a little strange, our principle Nikki had to go home to South Africa for medical treatment right at the start of the last semester. We have definitely missed her but are happy that she is at home resting and getting better. We have had a few other people come and go during the time which has been a lot for all of us to deal with. It has been a strange time but I guess there are always times like that.
It has been a little strange coming back since I know the time I have is so short but I am trying to make the best of each day and sometimes need to try harder at that. There is a lot to look forward to when I get home, like a trip to Florida for my parents business convention and hopefully a trip up to NYC to see friends from the ship and then the 4th at the beach with the family. I am looking for jobs at home preferably teaching but I am open to whatever, I want to get a condo in Portland and find a church that I love. I have a ton to look forward to but tonight after going out I was hit with the urge to not leave.
Take a breath mom, I am coming home don’t worry. But it will be hard. We went to a place just outside of the port, it is the only place I went to last time I was in Togo for two days before we sailed to South Africa for dry dock. I ended up going with some people who became my family and some of the best friends here. It was hard to be there and not miss them, even now I am crying just writing this. I know it sounds ridiculous to be happy with crying but I am freaking happy for the experiences I have had and the people who have impacted me so much that I miss them.
I have already sort of started thinking about leaving here for good, it was strange a few weeks back when I bought a one-way ticket home. How will I say goodbye to even more people who I love, and the kids. I can’t even start thinking about that or I will loose it. There have been moments where I have hated being here and have not been able to see the reason why I am here, but I am lucky and have many more good experiences then bad and just hope that I will carry them with me and not forget them all as I make my way home.
I have started thinking about the practical things as well like how do I get all my crap home? And at the same time why do I have so much stuff? Luckily a friend from the ship is going through Portland and he is able to take a bag for me, so the rest of my life here will have to fit into two bags, but I am optimistic. I am sure I am getting a head of myself and that there is still a lot of time left, many people will come and go from here in the time I still have left but for me I am already thinking a head and needing reminders to not look so far ahead that I don’t live this time.
Lent started today and this year instead of giving up something stupid that I just pick up again after Easter I decided to pick up something. Positive thoughts and taking time to enjoy the day. I am sure to some of you that sounds like well duh, you should do that everyday but… not always me. I am sarcastic and quick to judge I want to work on that and change the way I view things. Not as a requirement or punishment but a chance to grow. I have a feeling that in a weeks time I will be over it but I hope that is the old me talking. I want to be able to look back at each day and think and write down one thing that was great. And hopefully I have so many to choice from each day that I can and I have to write them all down. I hope that you can all have at least one amazing part of today!
February, 22nd 2011
