A big plunge

A big plunge 
I feel like I talk a lot about how I heard about Mercy Ships and how I got here so fast. Well I guess that is how I work with big decisions, I have a clear idea or push to do something and I have to do it. I felt that about two weeks ago, but this time it was to get baptized. I have never been baptized before but have thought about it before from time to time. I had never felt though like I did that night that I needed to do it and that it should be before I go home. I decided to tell some friends my idea before I chickened out and I think that helped because I had said it to someone else and they did not think it was crazy in fact they were supportive, as good friends are.

I was able to speak to Mae, who along with her family have been on the ship for almost three years but have been serving with Mercy ships for about 15 years. I told Mae what I wanted to do and again I was met with support and encouragement. Well things started to develop and soon enough we had a plan for a day at the beach the following Saturday. I tried to keep it as small as possible with just those people I am closest to, it ended up with about 30 people including a few of the families that I am close with. It was a great day, it was sunny and the waves were crashing.

Mae spoke a bit about the call to be baptized in obedience to God, and well I tired to talk. I am a crier so it is not surprising at all that I was crying and could not talk. So we headed into the water, remember when I talked about waves crashing well it was not the easiest thing ever to get our feet. Everyone would yell at us that a wave was coming and we would try to stay sort of still and above the water. I think that it was perfect because it helped me not be so emotional and be able to laugh at it, of course even when getting baptized I was a spaz, that is fitting. We finally were able to get our footing and well, I was baptized!

I was so relived that it was over, I had been so nervous and anxious. We got out of the water and Mae asked people to pray. It was a moment that I will never forget, standing on the beach in Togo, surrounded by my ship family praying for what is next in my life. I am so blessed to have had the people there who were able to make it and wish I could have had my family there with me, but I know it was the right timing to do it even if that meant some where not able to be there.

The rest of the afternoon was perfect, we had a few long tables, groups and families where all mixed up and we just hung out and ate. Thanks for to all who where able to come and to those of you who were so supportive even from the other side of the world. It is crazy to think about all that has happened in my life in the past two years, I can’t even imagine my life had I not come to the ship two years ago. I can’t imagine who I would be, had I not meet the people I did, made the friends that I did and grown the way that I have. I am so sad to be leaving my floating home but am very excited to be a little bit more settled and to be able to spend time with my family and friends that is not a vacation but actual time investing in relationships again.

I have just over two weeks left; I have had count downs and paper chains to when I go home. Not because I hate it here but because I need to be aware of the time I have left and enjoy it all and spend that time with the people I will miss so much. I will carry these two years with me where ever I go, they will affect the way I see the world, the way I see joy and pain. The way I teach and talk to students. The way I understand God and question Him all at the same time. I have been changed by these times; it has been two years of my life, not a cruise or a vacation. Two years, or nearly 22 months, is a long time when looked at in isolation but over the course of a life not that long but none the less hugely impactful. I know that there are many more great things to come in my life and I am so excited to start on the next adventure. Love you all and see some of you soon!

Mae talking and reading about Baptism.

Walking out into the water

Getting dragged into the shore one of maybee three times!

But we got it!

Prayer after, Thanks Guys!

Finally I could relax!

All the girls who were able to be there on my special day!

Laura and Hannah two amazing girls!

Thanks for all the amazing photos Hannah!

May, 15th 2012

Photos, a little over due.

Well it has been a while since I posted photos, or at least it feels like it is. So here are some from the past few months.

This is all the teachers on Sprit Day, this one was Wacky Day! 

At a play of Easter weekend

Teachers on Easter

Having to reenact my famous family photo, see next photo 

No, I had no idea I was that far away. 

This was us trying to take a group photo, it is not that easy

 

Teachers, we travel in a pack

One of the photographers set up a photo both on board one day and it was lots of fun for all!

Here are my roommates and I!

My kiddos and I!

My girls they are so pretty!

Some teacher friends!

 Some of my closest friends on ship

Some of my family on this crazy ship

The whole school

 My great entertainment every day!

The last month

The last month 
Well it is May and that means I will be leaving this crazy floating home at the end of this month. Crazy. I am very excited about going home and getting my own place and the freedoms that come from having a car, speaking the language and just being at home. I know I am going to miss so many things about this place though and that scares the hell out of me. It will be a sad last month with lots of lasts, last day of school, last weekend, last time with my kids, last Bible study and many more. I know that the next part will be difficult but that it will be great also. I just cant believe it will be starting so soon. To all those at home see ya soon!

May, 2nd 2012

Its the Final Count down!!!!

It's the final count down!!!! 

It seems like it has been ages since I wrote. Its hard sometimes to find time to do simple things, because well it is easy to do other things instead, like play card games or watch a movie, or a whole season of Dowton Abbey in one day. Which I would highly recommend doing as long as you have good people to watch it with! This place is like Hotel California sometimes, like time speeds by but not, or it feels like it drags and then you realize you only have 2 months left. In the past few weeks there have been a few TIA moments. Last weekend for a friend on the ship who is getting married soon we went and spent time at a pool to hang out. Well there may have been a music video being filmed at the time. So of course we were in it. At first we where just annoyingly in the background dancing and being a little annoying, but then they asked us to be in it. It was one of those moments that you just feel like never actually happen, that this is not a real situation and of course this is a joke, but nope it is not.

Latter that night a bunch of us were going to dinner and we needed 4 taxies, well myself and some friends where the last four standing after 3 other taxies had come and gone. I did keep sticking my leg out like in the movies but it does not really work. We finally had a car pull over, note a car not a taxi but again TIA. So we tell him where we want to go and say how much we will pay and he seems completely fine with it. We get in and this is a nice car. There are leather seats, air conditioning, and a cd player. A friend was worried that since he was not a taxi he might take us to his house, but I asked her what would stop a taxi from doing that also. Well we made it to the restaurant and he would not accept our money. He said because we are with Mercy Ships and are here helping his country that he wanted to help us and would not accept our money. We were all a little stunned and just kept saying but you have to, he did not he just wished us a good night and to enjoy our meal. There are so many times here when you feel taken advantage of, and to be honest it is dollar to us, but a huge difference to them so I don’t fight it that hard. But it was great to feel that this man felt it necessary to bless us in a small way of refusing $4 for a ride across town.

Amy one of my friends on board and fellow teacher’s parents have come to visit. It is so fun to have them here and show them around. I know that to many this life feels to strange and adventurous but to us it is just life and it is fun to show that to people that we do normal things, like hang out and eat, a lot. Friday night we had a dance party on board celebrating one of the girls 30^th birthday. We all dressed up as her. It was tons of fun. We where also able to go out to dinner with Amy and her parents, as well as attend a church service with them on Sunday. I do have to say in my nearly two years here I had not been to an African church service. I few reasons, it is hot, it lasts 3 hours, you cant understand them most of the time and did I mention its hot, really hot. Well a few friends said it was unacceptable to have been here this long and never to have gone to a service so I went, and I did not hate it. They sang songs that we sing here on the ship they danced and clapped and there was a breeze coming off the ocean.

The church is in a small fishing village and has been supported by a family from the ship who was in Togo when the ship came through about 10 years ago. It is in the heart of the village, has open windows and lets in a nice breeze. The best part, the little baby girl who came and sat beside me and played clapping games with and fell asleep in my lap. Her little smile with her big brown eyes, made it worth it. It made sacrificing my lazy Sunday morning at coffee and getting sweaty and dirty worth it. I did not hate it, I cant say if I will go back as I did not understand anything that pastor said but it was way better then I thought and something I am glad I did.

My time here is quickly ending, I still have two months but considering that I have already been here 19, it seems a short time. I am beginning to know that I am ready to go home, or that I will be ready. I was lucky enough to stay in a family cabin for a little over a month and it definitely showed me that I want my own place and that I am ready for it. Part of looking at going home has been thinking about where I am going to live, thank you Zillow because you help my imagination run wild. And thinking about jobs, I want to teach. I want to teach in Portland. But it is not the best time to look for a teaching job, but I have applied for one and need to keep my eyes peeled for more to try for.

When I first started looking at going home I was panicked. What am I going to do? Where will I live? Who do I still have at home? What’s the point? But I have been calmed lately; my fears have been pushed back. Not because I have found a house or a job or have been comforted that there are plenty of people still in the area, but because I have faith that things will work out. I am a planner but I know that this is a time in my life when I am not meant to have a plan, I will be home June 1^st, after that some trips and weddings but then who knows. And I am ok with it.

I have started reading “Through Painted Deserts”, it is by the same author as Blue like Jazz, he is from Portland and I like having the little reminders of home. This book is about him and a buddy driving from TX to OR to move. I have only began but love it, it makes me want to travel more, which is hard to balance with the sense that I am meant to be home and be stationary for a bit. I feel as if I am having a huge internal struggle right now, with settling down which I want and also what I feel is expected. I have been out of school for 4 years now, I feel like the time for volunteering and not knowing what I am doing should be behind me, but does it ever leave?Here are a few quotes that I love and are kind of helping me figure out what I am thinking.

“ We are shaped by our experiences. Our perception of joy, fear, pain and beauty are sharpened or dulled by the way we rub against them.”

At the moment I have one more page in my passport, I need to go to the embassy here and have more pages added. I told my mom this and I think she said “ Just wait till you get home, you have enough to get home and you are not going anywhere after that.” I know she meant right away but it freaked me out. Will I never leave the country again? I know for many they will never have the chance to leave the country but this thought terrified me. The thought of not having my passport ready to go when I am scares me, I know that probably sounds ridiculous but it is how I feel. What if I find cheap tickets to Easter Island? What would I do if my passport was away. First world pains, I know, sorry but this is what goes through my head. I think it stems from this thinking,

“ I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.”

What if I get home and I am bored? What if people are not able to see past themselves to think about how fortunate they are because they have never traveled past where it is comfortable to see how others live.

I love the song, Long Way Around by the Dixie Chicks it talks about how the journey can be better then the destination. It makes me feel better about the fight raging in my head, one side saying I should make my a home and things will fall into place and the other that says to spend time wandering, taking time to try things that are different. I know that as I get closer to going home this battle in my head will intensify, I just have to have faith that it will sort itself out and that I will end up where I am meant to be when I am meant to be there.

Last year I challenged myself to write my bucket list, or a list of things I want to do before I die. I did. And these past few months I have taken the list and re-written them in a journal, I have been able to add to my list and am working on ticking some of them off. I know that I have a deep-seated desire to travel and explore and do different things, but that’s not a bad thing? I can have a desire to travel and wander and have a home base to come back to.

I know that when I go home in two months and it is not for a visit that it will be hard, that I will be faced with the changes that have happened there as well as in me that have happened in the past two years. I know that I am a different person, how could I not be? “ It’s interesting how you sometimes have to leave home before you can ask difficult questions, how the questions never come up in the room you grew up in, in the town in which you were born. It’s funny how you can’t ask difficult questions in a familiar place, how you have to stand back a few feet and see things in a new way before you realize nothing that is happening to you is normal.”

As much as I know it can be hard or strange to go back to a home that is different from the one you left, you have to. How else do we grow? How do we become the people we were created to be? I know that these next months will be hard, the last two here and the first few back at home. But there is not a moment that goes by that I doubt if it was the right thing for me to come here. And for that I am grateful. I hope that you all are doing well and have some huge adventure in the works.

Ang

Taxi Races, we won BTW!

Academy Representing at the Dance Party! Teachers and students, but which is which???

Rubes and I with the lady of honor, Luara Z!

April, 1st 2012

99 bottles of beer on the wall… or something like that.

99 bottles of beer on the wall.... or something like that

I now have 99 days left here on my floating home, and although I am excited to be home and to start the next chapter of my life and all that other stuff I am meant to say in a time like this. But, I am also going to miss so much about this place and on the top of the list for sure are the people who have become my family.

A lot has happened since I have been back since Christmas time, the Academy has been a little strange, our principle Nikki had to go home to South Africa for medical treatment right at the start of the last semester. We have definitely missed her but are happy that she is at home resting and getting better. We have had a few other people come and go during the time which has been a lot for all of us to deal with. It has been a strange time but I guess there are always times like that.

It has been a little strange coming back since I know the time I have is so short but I am trying to make the best of each day and sometimes need to try harder at that. There is a lot to look forward to when I get home, like a trip to Florida for my parents business convention and hopefully a trip up to NYC to see friends from the ship and then the 4^th at the beach with the family. I am looking for jobs at home preferably teaching but I am open to whatever, I want to get a condo in Portland and find a church that I love. I have a ton to look forward to but tonight after going out I was hit with the urge to not leave.

Take a breath mom, I am coming home don’t worry. But it will be hard. We went to a place just outside of the port, it is the only place I went to last time I was in Togo for two days before we sailed to South Africa for dry dock. I ended up going with some people who became my family and some of the best friends here. It was hard to be there and not miss them, even now I am crying just writing this. I know it sounds ridiculous to be happy with crying but I am freaking happy for the experiences I have had and the people who have impacted me so much that I miss them.

I have already sort of started thinking about leaving here for good, it was strange a few weeks back when I bought a one-way ticket home. How will I say goodbye to even more people who I love, and the kids. I can’t even start thinking about that or I will loose it. There have been moments where I have hated being here and have not been able to see the reason why I am here, but I am lucky and have many more good experiences then bad and just hope that I will carry them with me and not forget them all as I make my way home.

I have started thinking about the practical things as well like how do I get all my crap home? And at the same time why do I have so much stuff? Luckily a friend from the ship is going through Portland and he is able to take a bag for me, so the rest of my life here will have to fit into two bags, but I am optimistic. I am sure I am getting a head of myself and that there is still a lot of time left, many people will come and go from here in the time I still have left but for me I am already thinking a head and needing reminders to not look so far ahead that I don’t live this time.

Lent started today and this year instead of giving up something stupid that I just pick up again after Easter I decided to pick up something. Positive thoughts and taking time to enjoy the day. I am sure to some of you that sounds like well duh, you should do that everyday but… not always me. I am sarcastic and quick to judge I want to work on that and change the way I view things. Not as a requirement or punishment but a chance to grow. I have a feeling that in a weeks time I will be over it but I hope that is the old me talking. I want to be able to look back at each day and think and write down one thing that was great. And hopefully I have so many to choice from each day that I can and I have to write them all down. I hope that you can all have at least one amazing part of today!

February, 22nd 2011 

tis the season... for crying?

Tis the season.... for crying? 

I always start writing these things in my head and have big notions pf writing something great about what my life is right now, but I don’t think it ever comes close to real life. I flew out from Ghana on Sunday, as a ship we sailed from Freetown to Tema, Ghana and got into port on Thursday. It was great to be in port and to be still, or as still as it ever can be. The last week of school is one that I enjoy when I look back but have to work hard at enjoying in the moment, Christmas Play Week. I was helping with dancing, I did not have to come up with the dances a crew member on bored Emma did all that and did great with it, I was just there to help and mock the kids of course. It was a fun week despite rocking and trying to dance and hating the songs we had to listen to hundreds of times. My friend Gini helped in the academy the last week and it was great to hang out with her more before she left the ship for good on the 20^th. The play turned out great and was full of great memories with all the kids, I am always amazed at how funny and talented our kids are. It is great to have a chance to hang with students that I do not spend as much time with like the junior high and high school kids. The play turned out great but still with lots of laugh out loud moments, like the nursery kids licking the baby Jesus doll!

I ended up being able to go home for Christmas, it was not planned and only got worked out about two weeks before I left, it was stressful for a bit about it but a true blessing to be able to spend time with my family on my birthday and Christmas. Had I stayed on board I would have been saying goodbye to a lot of great people over a week or two. Including my two best friends on board who are both leaving for good on my birthday, Brats. But in this way we said goodbye not on my birthday and I was not left alone there to miss them and feel sorry for myself. I am sad I missed their last few days on the ship but I know this was a better way for it to happen. There are a lot of things that my time at Mercy Ships has taught me and one of them is that it is ok to cry. Maybe that sounds strange but if I cared every time I cried what people would think then I would spend a lot of time worrying, because well I spend more time crying then I have before. Not always a bad thing, a lot it is because I think about the people who have left who I miss dearly or the ones that are leaving who I might not see again. But sometimes it is because I have laughed so hard of because I am overcome with how lucky I am. I was watching a movie on the plane called “ The Way” I would recommend it btw. But in the movie they played the song Thank U by Allanis Morissette one of the lines is “How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out” well all right I will. It made me think of leaving the ship and saying good bye to people who will not be coming back and are leaving themselves in the time I am gone. Gini, Shannon, Sandra and Natalie. There are of course more who I will miss but these are the ones who not being here will impact my life the most because of the influence they have had on my life and the time on board already. Sunday was a bit of a mess, we had to scramble to find rides and had to change our plans about 10 times and it was also full of waiting and crying. Dislike both of these. It was a hard thing to say goodbye to my Ship life partners who I will not see until July. The song made me think of all the times I have been sad about goodbyes and great full for the people who I have loved so much that they would leave a whole in my heart in their absence. I cant be sad that the times are over but grate full that it I had a great time.

There were a few of us traveling out on Sunday and only two dear friends included who are not returning so that was a sad goodbye in Brussels. Before we got on the first flight we were all hanging out in the airport and started counting passport stamps. I LOVE that these are some of the questions you would hear during that time. “ Do visas count?” “ Is it every stamp or just one per country?” “ Is that your second passport?” I am up to 42 stamps, and I love it. When we got to Brussels I stopped and got a cup of coffee from Starbucks, with the exchange rate it was probably like 8 bucks, but it was nice. I also realized that I have three different currencies in my wallet and just like passport stamps I love it and take pride in it.

I am home now and realizing I have been able to have lunch with friends and see my family. Rob and Misty met my rents and I the night I flew in and Den and Tessa surprised us on my birthday with an un planned surprise visit before flying to Alaska. I am so thankful to be home for this time of year and am trying to live it up! Hope you all are doing great and loving the season.

December, 22nd 2011

one freaking great week

One freaking great week
The last week was a great one, one packed full of old friends, family and lots of special moments. I went home for a little over a week to be at one of my college roommate’s weddings, she finally marred her guy after 9 years. There was a while there I did not think I would be able to go home, I know I’m a volunteer and it seems like I should just be able to have all the time off I want, but I made a commitment and don’t want to leave the school in a lurch. It is hard to make the change from ship to home to ship again, I have not had too much trouble before but this time it was hard. It was hard to say goodbye to my parents and think about all the things I am going to miss about home. It makes it clear to me that I am ready to be home. That maybe I am ready to not be a nomadic teacher. My heart is in Portland with my family and friends and that is where I want to be also. I will finish my time here and do it happily and with purpose for all my time here has taught be but still be very excited to get home.

The last week passed not in a blur as I feared but as a restful time spent with people that I missed. I am thankful that time slowed down and I was able to spend time doing what I wanted and needed without feeling to rushed.

I got in last Friday night after about 36 hours of flying, the now to common land rover, ferry, bus, plane, plane, plane and I am home! It is long and exhausting and trying on my patience (which I don’t have a lot of to start) but totally worth it, with out a doubt. I had been worried about the time at home. How it would go with friends, considering the distance between us things can be strange. I was worried about how fast the time would go. I was worried about getting overwhelmed at home with all I wanted to do. I am so glad to say that all the things I worried about were for nothing. Everything went great.

I got in on Friday and my parents picked me up, after a quick stop at the house for the dogs (Padfoot remembered me!) and a coffee we drove down to the beach. Robby and Misty where already at the house waiting, it was great to see them and grab dinner and catch up. My sleep schedule was/is all messed up but its ok, it was beautiful at the beach, cold but sunny. Even though it was before Thanksgiving we decorated the beach for Christmas, which I appreciated the chance to do. Perfect weather for fires and Christmas movies and even I am a little bit embarrassed to say, the new Twilight movie with mom. If you have not seen it don’t worry, it is as bad as you think it would be.

It was great to just be at the beach and not need to go anywhere or do anything, I updated my computer, used all the bandwidth I wanted and downloaded to my hearts content. On Sunday morning I took a bike ride to my favorite little coffee shop. It was cold, but it was sunny and silent and there were bunnies out. Cannon Beach has bunnies that are “ wild” and are just in peoples yard so its always fun to see them. The ride was so nice, to be on my own, on an empty street in the sun even though it was cold. To get a nice coffee and ride down to the beach and just be glad to be home, to be at an overlook to see how stinking beautiful it is, I needed that. Sunday we drove back into town and I went over to my friend Shannon’s house. Shannon is the friend whose wedding it was, it was great to hang out there and with our other friend Erin and just catch up. It is not easy being so far away from friends, we had all lived together for at least two years at school and it has been really difficult for me when I am away to be good at keeping in contact, so it was just great to hang out and catch up. Choosing to leave home is always a strange thing, it allows you to experience great things but you also miss a lot. I know that when I came home the first time after living in London I would get sad when friends talked about hanging out with each other without me, but life at home does not stop, we are just not a part of it. So it was hard for me to see and hear so much about the pre-wedding stuff that I missed, I know it was a choice I made by coming back for a second year, but it is still hard.

The beginning of the week passed with shopping trips and pumpkin spice lattes when they could be found, having lunch with friends and having fun being able to drive. I was able to spend time with my parents and catch up on everything that had been going on. I was able to meet Robby at a coffee shop that sells the coffee I love from the beach. It amazes me how much we change. Robby and I were not close growing up we were siblings we fought, a lot! But now its great we can talk and be honest and ask hard questions and be blunt about opinions. I love it and am so thankful that the relationship has changed into that as we have gotten older and dare I say more mature? I was also able to meet up with my friend Sarah for lunch, it was great to hang out with her and just talk. I love that it does not really feel like time has passed with friends. It is a gift, yes we may not know every detail about each others lives like we used to but it does not mean we don’t understand each other.

I had a nice treat of getting my nails done before the wedding with the bride and her sister and momma and a gromes-women. It was nice to be able t partake in some of the pre-wedding stuff and again just hang out. My momma and I spent Wednesday afternoon hanging out watching love actually and white Christmas and making pies, that is what Thanksgiving is all about. We did some more wedding stuff, and damn did those CD’s look good Erin! Den and Tessa got in late on Wednesday night so we stayed up and chated with them.

Thanksgiving was fantastic, loots of cooking the parade in the background and a never ending supply of coffee and mimosas! We had family over but it was still small numbers and it was nice. It was relaxed and fun. I love my family in all their strange ways of talking about things tat maybe should not be talked about or the way we play games which seem to get louder as more empty wine bottles appear on the counter.

Dennis and Tessa or probably really Tessa had organized that we take family photos on Friday. She is a brave women to suggest that to my family two days before the fact. It was a little bit of a hassle trying to work out what to wear and all that. It ended up being a beautiful day at the park and it was really fun despite the photographers multiple remarks about me being single. Like “ Do you want some of just you when I am done with the couples?” Umm… Hell no! Or “It looks unbalanced with the couples and then you.” Yes thanks I know. At least we were able to laugh at it and the balls it took to ask. Friday night was the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. It was so great to see the place and have an idea of what it was going to be like. As well as see so many people from college. It was fantastic.

On Saturday my family and I went to breakfast for my favorite, cinnamon roll French toast. Yes, it is as good as it sounds. Then the wedding festivities started. We ladies got there around 11, the wedding was at 5:30 but that is how long it takes. Its ok we brought supplies like music and food and champagne so we were ok. It was great to be together and get ready. Everything was beautiful and it was a great wedding. There were lots of laughs and nice moments and the entire thing was great. At one point I forgot that the next morning I had to be at the airport at 6 am to fly back to the ship. I was disappointed when a friend pointed that out to me, that was when I knew I was ready to be home. I will not be done here until June, that is when the school year is over. I do plan on making a stop or two on my way home to see people but I will be home this summer and I cant wait.

The ship as I was going by on the ferry.

The beach was amazing!

Early morning walk on the beach with my momma.

Padfoot!

Yes it is fake, but it is still a Christmas tree.

Early morning bike ride including bunnies, coffee and a peaceful beach.

Snow in the pass.

There she is, it was great.

Padfoot the pilgrim.

Games definitly need wine.

Table all set and ready for the food.

Beautiful day for family photos.

I am so happy that there was still fall leaves on the trees and the ground, it was perfect.

College roomies! I love these girls!

PLU crew.

At breakfast on my last day.

Yes it is worth the photo, it is that good.

Shan and Haliey on Shan's wedding day!

Lovely ladies.

Whitney was a grooms-lady and we have known each other since 2nd grade.

Shan and I.

Shan and Kyle busting a move.

Some of the maids.

Kyle ready for the wedding night...

8 am time for four flights and 36 hours of travel, totally worth it.