two weeks and counting

Two weeks and counting 

Be prepared, I am very emotional at the moment, sorry. In two weeks I will be on my way home. With just a ride in a land rover, a ferry ride across the river, a taxi to the airport, a flight to Brussels, then Chicago and then Portland. No big. I will be flying out with some company, 4 fellow teachers, one of their husbands and a few other crew members. It will be very sad on the dock when we all leave, only myself and one of the teachers will be coming back. I know it will be emotional on the dock and in Brussels when we all go onto different flights. I fly all the way to Chicago with Kris the other teacher who is staying, so at least when she and I split it will not be a big deal because we will be back on the ship in less then 2 months.

I am excited to go home and have an ever growing list of stuff to bring back to the ship and things I have missed. Of course I can not wait to spend time with people I have been missing and to catch up on a lot of time gone by. It is easy here to forget the things we all sacrifice to be here. It is not an easy thing to do, to give up lots of comforts and freedoms to come serve and try and do your part. It is only when I am thinking about home that I think about all that I have missed and it makes me sad. Relationships have been tested and not all have passed some are still being tested and I pray that the choices I make/made will not negatively impact those in the long run. But I also think what have I gained. I have proven myself wrong so many times, I have shown myself that I can do what I did not think I could. I have met new people from all over who have changed me. I have been challenged and knocked down but I have gotten back up. I sometimes feel like I am putting my life on hold to be here, that if I was home I would feel more like an adult, maybe have a house or a condo, a job that pays, how novel. I would still have strong relationships with those at home that are becoming strained. But I also know that I have grown being here, in my faith which is constantly being challenged and put to the test here, I think for the most part that is good because I come out stronger because of it. I have grown as a teacher, most would think it is easy having one or two students, but I would rather 30, that is what I was trained for that is what I know, it is hard to make it work sometimes in such a small class.

To be in this community can suffocate you. You have to work to have time by yourself to breath and relax, there is a constant change in people who you see on a daily bases. When I first got here I thought I would never become one of those people who do not try and meet the new crew, but I don’t. I am exhausted at the end of the day, I don’t want to have a conversation with someone who will be here for a month and have small chit-chat. I want to sit with my friends and family here to pick up where we left off, to ask questions about what is going on because we care not because it is polite. When I start to ask myself if it is worth it I am usually met with a yes, I might just have to work to find it, maybe walking into town, seeing a patient smile or just talking to a good friend.

As a ship we are just about half way through the field service. People are becoming tired and worn out and jaded. It becomes normal to live here on a lovely ship next to Africa (next to because it does not feel like you are in Africa on the ship) and work and hear about surgeries that fix a cleft pallet or remove a tumor. As a school we are almost done, one week of classes left, we have three families leaving which is hard and will be very sad. The school was recommended for full accreditation which has been a work in progress for about 4 years now. It is huge, a weight is off and we can celebrate and we have and will continue to.

When ever I start to think about going home I end up asking myself how the hell I got here. On this ship, in Africa doing something I had never planned on and never really thought I wanted to. How am I so lucky to have the freedoms to make a choice to do this? To agree to a position and step on a plane to fly half way around the world. To love this new home and these new people who become your family. I am so ready to go home and have a break, but I am not sure how to face stuff at home and explain this past year of my life to people. Some call it a trip but its my life and it has become part of who I am, how do I explain that?

June, 4th 2011